The cattle are blowing the baby away.....*

So it turns out that attending church for the first time in years make you re-think your choice of underwear.
I normally wear thongs, and have done for years, because they are so comfortable and wash and dry faster than normal nana-knicks, but last night whilst getting ready for the Carol Service at Holy Trinity Cathedral in Parnell, I had a re-think. I can’t go to CHURCH wearing a THONG. God will judge me.
And this is odd, because I don’t believe in God. However, I LOVE a good singalong, and other than getting blottoed at the pub and singing karaoke, church is about the only place you can exercise your pipes.
I went to a school that was very Christian, and we attended chapel every day at 8.10 to 8.30. We would sing a hymn, listen to a reading, someone would give a talk, then we’d receive a blessing and be off to start our day. At the time, chapel was a place where you’d slowly wake up, mumble the Lord’s Prayer, get in trouble by eagle-eyed prefects for laughing (I’d always get an attack of the giggles at inopportune moments). However, as much of a drag it was to attend chapel every day, how lame, OMG God doesn’t exist, etc., everyone always perked up when we began practicing for the end of year carol service. Who doesn’t love a good carol, I say. It means the end of the year, summer, exams over, and some truly beautiful singing.
So last week I saw the cathedral advertising its carol service for 2009, and I raved about it to Richard. Being Richard, he agreed to come along even though he can’t sing a note and disliked having to wear suit pants on a Sunday. I love him. We willingly set foot inside a church for the first time in years, save weddings and tourist larks.
And it was truly beautiful. The cathedral is light and airy, and quite modern with a high soaring roof to gaze up at. We chose a seat that was near a seeing-eye dog, because I love animals as you may be aware. As we sat down, a ray of light hit Richard in the face. Smugly, he said “that’s God giving me a sign I’m going to get a job soon.” Choosing to believe in God for that reason, I agreed.
We were surrounded by nodding white/purple heads, hearing aids, God-Squadders, and farmers that had brushed off the tweed coat and driven hours to come into town because it was the traditional thing to do.
As soon as the choir started singing Once In Royal David’s City, I got tears in my eyes. It was so beautiful. I felt like I was in an episode of the Vicar of Dibley. I got over it soon and was singing my lungs out on all my favourites, Hark the Herald, O Little Town of Bethlehem, O Come All Ye Faithful. We even gave $10.00 to the collection plate, it was that good.
We left feeling cleansed and I was glad I could still hit the high notes. I’ll definitely be doing this again.

*this is what my Uncle John apparently thought the words were when he was young.

FYI, it's my birthday soon.

I just like to remind people of that fact, because my birthday is on the 28th, and everyone - EVERYONE - says, oh that must suck. So close to Christmas! Yes it does suck, because people are shopped out and have a thousand things on, and therefore usually completely forget about my birthday. My own father once played a round of golf on my birthday and forgot to call me. WTF! He called the next day. To be honest, I hadn't noticed that he didn't call, but I still made him feel reallllly guilty. I'm awesome like that.

So because I am selfish and all-about-me, I remind everyone I've ever met about my birthday a long time in advance. You're also not allowed to combine Xmas and Birthday in one present. That's just lazy. Yes, greedy, selfish, rude, I am all these things. But I am also very cuddly.

So I have 2 more days of work left. This last week, if I had to pick one movie title to sum up the mood in the office, I would pick "Kill Bill" in which "Bill" stands for "Everyone in the Entire Office."
Everyone's trying to get things done that should have been done in September, and because we have an enormous long break - 19 DAYS - we're trying to figure out how we can hit the ground running when we get back. When really, all we want to do is listen to carols and eat chocolate and buy last minute presents online.

I have a bit of an escape that I use when the office tension is so thick you could drown in it and the hairs on your arms stand up. Voices, printer, phones, people screaming at each other, idiots giggling over cat pictures (okay that's me) - it all fades away when you listen to this:

http://www.soundsleeping.com/

Birdies chirping, ocean waves, and a gurgling stream. Yes it's very new-agey, but man alive I can feel all the tension leave my shoulders when listening to it. Similar to a white noise machine I guess.



This is my sister's Christmas card this year showing my 2 beautiful nieces and their brand new playhouse. My sister made the bunting and also appliqued the girls clothes. My mother is hugely impressed, as she prides herself on "not being able to sew on a button" which is a lie, because I've seen her do it many times, but I think she was rebelling against her own mother who was a total genius when it came to making our clothes. Although, because Nana was a chain smoker, when the parcel of clothes arrived, Mum would have to open it outside, then wash all the clothes before we could try them on, because they reeked of Rothmans. Funny huh?

Tonight my friend is hosting a BBQ on the deck of her apartment that overlooks the Harbour here in Auckland. We're bringing a green salad consisting of lettuce, cucumber, green capsicum and feta cheese (Rich - feta isn't green! Me - no-one is marking us out of ten for salads). We're taking a bottle of bubbly and looking forward to a nice relaxing night of getting smashed and singing to 80's tunes. Tomorrow - beach, book (reading The Dome by Stephen King - not as good as the Stand but it'll do) and naps in the sun. God I love summer.

PS birthday in 10 days.

Why I Avoid Shopping When I Can.

Scene: The interior of insane high-end women’s clothing shop. Think pink, frills, ribbons, gilt, faux-boudoir furniture and Lady GaGa singing about disco sticks at half a billion decibels.

Enter: Me (30, casually dressed) my Mother (60, casually dressed).

Sales Freak 1: HELLO! WELCOME! YOU BOTH LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL!

Me: Uh, thanks! (heads over to racks on far side of room).

Sales Freak 2: OMG AREN’T THESE DRESSES AMAAAAAAAAAAZING! I JUST ADORE THAT ONE YOU’RE HOLDING! AND THAT OTHER ONE YOU HAPPENED TO GLANCE AT! YOU HAVE PERFECT CHOICE WHEN IT COMES TO CLOTHES!

Me: Wow, thanks. I’m actually looking for a 50’s style sundress to wear to my step-sister’s wedding in January.

Sales Freak 2: OMG THAT IS SO LOVELY! AND SO CLOSE! YOU’D BETTER BUY SOMETHING TODAY OTHERWISE THERE WILL BE NO DRESSES LEFT IN THE WHOLE WORLD! WHAT’S YOUR BUDGET?

Me: Five hundred.

Mum: THREE hundred.

Me: (feels like a teenager).

SF 2: OKAY WELL DO YOU LIKE THIS ONE? IT’S SIX HUNDRED! OR THIS ONE? IT’S EIGHT HUNDRED BUT OMG, IT’S A ONE OFF BOUTIQUE DESIGN HANDMADE AND TAILORED TO FIT!

Me: Uh, I’m not sure we can spend that much...

SF 2: JUST TRY THEM ON ANYWAY! SRSLY! GET AN IDEA! (manhandles us towards changing room area that is surrounded by stick-thin collagen enhanced cougars and more sales freaks).

Queen of the Sales Freaks: OMG DARLING WHAT FANTASTIC SELECTIONS YOU’VE MADE! THESE ARE SO BEAUTIFUL I HAVE ONE AT HOME AND I ADORE IT! JUST POP IN HERE AND POP YOUR CLOTHES OFF AND POP THE DRESS ON AND POP OUT TO SHOW US OKAY DARLING! LOVE IT! WOOT!

Mum: *speechless*

Sparkly sequinned cocktail style dress – nothing like a 50’s style sundress – is manoeuvred on. It doesn’t fit very well over the “girls”.

QotSF: OMG THAT DRESS LOOKS AMAAAZING! IT’S PERFECT! FOR A WEDDING? OH A FAMILY WEDDING! YOU WANT TO LOOK AMAZING BECAUSE YOU’LL BE IN SO MANY PHOTOS BEING FAMILY AND ALL!

Me: Well I’d hate to upstage....

QotSF: LET’S TUG ON IT AND POKE YOU LOTS TO TRY TO MAKE IT LOOK OKAY!

Me: Yeah, I think it makes me look fat.

QotSF: YOU’VE GOT BOOBS! I’VE GOT GREAT BIG BOOBS TOO! I’VE JUST HAD A BABY AND MY BOOBS ARE AMAZING! BUT I’VE ALSO GOT LONG LEGS AND BROAD SHOULDERS....WHICH YOU DON’T HAVE! I LOOK FABULOUS IN ALL THESE THINGS! LOOK AT MY BOOBS AND MY LONG LEGS!

Me: ........I’m going to try the other one.

Cream tunic dress that actually looks passable is donned.

Me: I don’t mind this. Mum, what do you think?

Mum: *says something but no-one can hear a thing over Britney telling us how she likes threesomes*

QotSF: THIS DRESS IS SO SPECIAL ONE OF A KIND DESIGNER HANDMADE TAILORED TO FIT!

Me: Why does the hem hang down at the back?

QotSF: THAT’S (designer’s name) SIGNATURE! ALL HER DRESSES ARE LIKE THAT! LIKE VIVIENNE WESTWOOD!

Me, thinking: WTF?

QotSF to Mum: THIS IS A DRESS THAT I THINK WOULD LOOK GREAT ON YOU AS A MOTHER OF THE BRIDE!

Mum: As I said before, it’s my step-daughter.

QotSF: DOESN’T MATTER! SAME THING! TRY THIS DRESS ON! NAVY IS SO HIP RIGHT NOW AND YOU’VE GOT GREAT LEGS AND NO BUTT!

Mum, drawing herself up to her full 5 feet 3: I don’t LIKE that dress.

QotSF: OH. WELL I’M JUST GOING TO POKE YOU AND YELL IN YOUR FACE A BIT MORE! AND TELL YOU HOW AMAZING THIS DRESS IS ABOUT FOUR HUNDRED TIMES.

Me: Mum, what do you think about this one?

Mum: I think we should go away and think about it.

QotSF: IT’LL BE GONE. GONE. JUST LIKE THAT. EVERYONE ALWAYS GETS SO MAD AT ME FOR NOT HOLDING THESE DRESSES BUT I CAN’T, BECAUSE THEY SELL THAT QUICKLY. YOU’LL NEVER FIND ANOTHER ONE LIKE IT. EVER. YOUR LIFE WILL BE RUINED IF YOU DO NOT BUY THIS DRESS RIGHT NOW.

Me: Well, that’s a risk I’m willing to take. There are a couple of others we’ve seen around town.

Qotsf: WHERE? CAN I REMIND YOU THAT THIS IS A ONE OFF PIECE THAT’S HANDMADE AND TAILORED TO FIT!

Me: *names well known NZ designer*

QotSF: OH. WELL, I’M SURE I DON’T NEED TO TELL YOU THAT OUR DESIGNS ARE ONE OFF AND HANDMADE. (OTHER DESIGNER) IS JUST A FUNKY STREEET LABEL!

The other dress is SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS and a beautiful 50’s style sundress. Nail in the coffin.

(inside the changing room) Me: Mumthisplaceisscaryandineedtogetoutnow!!!

Mum: Thatwomanisthemosthorriblepersoni’veevermet! Andthezipiscrookedonthatdress!

(outside changing room) Me, smiling thinly: Well, thank you for your help.

QofSF: OKAY BYEEEEEEEEEE! (to other sales freak) THIS WOMAN IN HERE NEEDS A CAMISOLE! AND A CARDIGAN! NOW! GO! OKAY THANKS DARLING! LOVE YOU! LALA I KNOW ALL THE WORDS TO RIHANNA!

Various sales freaks: OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING IN! WE LOVE YOU!

Outside, in the rain – Me: I’m shaking. That was the most awful shopping experience of my life.

Mum: I saw a dress that I quite liked. But I purposely didn’t buy it because she was so awful.

Me: Shall we go back to Andrea Moore and buy that other beautiful dress?

Mum: Definitely.

Fin.

I won’t name names, but this awful store’s designer is Australian, and her name rhymes with SchmAllanah SchmHill.

My girls

This is me with wee Stella-bella in the weekend. She's 8 months and is so sweet. She's a bit shy so to get this shot of her smiling with me was a real bonus over a mad mad mad weekend.

My partner lost his job on Thursday. Basically it's a year since I'd also lost my job. So I know what he's going through. It's very exhausting and he's taken it very hard (who doesn't). So cuddles with the nieces are the best therapy you can get.

I was putting Stella into her car seat when I notice Amelie staring at me intently.

"Have you got a baby?" she asks, no doubt looking at my less-than-trim stomach.
"No, but I'd like one," I say.

She keeps studying me.

"What are you looking at?" I ask her.
"Boobies," she shoots back.

As you do.

In other news, I've only 12 working days left this year. This is so much awesomeness, but so much to do up until then. I cannot wait until our holiday this year. We are spending Xmas again in Tauranga with my step-sister's family and my step-dad and Mum. All the other sisters are having away games at their in-laws. We'll be doing the usual bedlam present opening, and crayfish and champers around the new pool at Kathryn's house.
Then we're going to be heading to Richard's parents who live nearby for Xmas dins. They're British, and do a proper turkey with all the trimmings. It's AWESOME. Even if it's 30 deg outside and we're all wishing we could go for a swim, the turkey gets mown. Can't wait.
After Tauranga we're heading to Napier to my parents for my birthday (the 28th). It's a nothing special birthday - 31 - but I always make a fuss because it's so close to Xmas. I'm thinking cucumber sandwiches, cupcakes and bubbles around the pool.
Then on about the 30th we're heading to Mahia, where we went last year. It's a tiny coastal settlement north of Hawkes Bay. Unspoilt beach, one pub, one shop, and lots of surfers dudes and fishermen. The best thing? NO CELL PHONE RECEPTION. Ahh....peace. We'll be camping under pine trees and showering in cold rain water. It's brilliant.

So that's our summer plans. I don't have to be back in the office until the 11th. Brilliant. Hopefully at some stage Richard will get a look in at some jobs, but right now, it's a big black hole of nothing and we're both fighting to stay positive.

I will appreciate jokes and pictures of babies and/or cats.